High And Happy With Hapy Kitchen

by Josh Jardine (source)

The pandemic and resulting quarantine have resulted in both established and first-time cannabis users uniting in gratitude that edibles are now widely available, often with “dispensary-to-door” delivery options.

Marriages and relationships of all manners were well served by edibles, often discreetly consumed gummies, to inject patience, calm and favorably altered perspectives into the challenges of the new home/office/classroom/gym/sheltering in place space.

Yet for all their positive attributes, “yummy” is not one bestowed upon these gelatin-based squares of THC and CBD. Convenient and easy to accurately determine a serving, yes, but the taste isn’t why you bought them.

Cannabis shines in a wide variety of edibles but finding top-shelf products can be hit and miss. Portland-based Hapy Kitchen (just one p) has impressively established itself as a one-stop shop for those who “nom nom nom” their Devil’s Kale, billing themselves as “Artisan Edibles with an expected effect.”

Hapy Kitchen offers a wide range of both products, and effects, for the consumer. It produces 25 products including brownies, cookies, chocolate bars, hard candies, caramels, tinctures and yes, gummies, among others. This won them back-to-back medals in the edibles division of the High Times Oregon Cannabis Cup of 2019/20.

The judges were correct: everything I’ve tried has been top notch, for both the mouth and the mind. Entrusted with getting the Happy in Hapy Kitchen is Head Chef Carla Burns, who developed and produced recipes for foods already enjoyed by cannabis enthusiasts, including Salt and Straw Ice Cream and Mama’s Confections. She now crafts cannabis edibles that are not only tasty AF, but also non-GMO, locally sourced, with vegan and gluten-free options. Each product has 50 mg of THC, or 50 mg of CBD and THC each.

Because I take my responsibilities seriously as a journalist seeking to normalize the discussion and consumption of cannabis among age-appropriate adults, and because my appetite and tolerance for cannabis edibles is Jabba The Hut-esque,I tried all 25. But not at once…barely.

My favorites were the partnership with Hash Hamilton, the “Han Solo Burger + Dark Chocolate Bar,” a small bar scored into 10 squares infused with 5 mg of THC from Live Rosin per serving square.

A close second were the caramels, because first of all, they are caramels. Made with Alpenrose cream and butter, choices include a Sea Salt and Coffee, flavored with “organic Guatemalan Trailhead Coffee.” They can be savored or scarfed, and I did both.

The aforementioned “expected effects” arrive through the addition of True Terpenes, trademarked blends of non-cannabis derived terpenes frequently found in many strains of both sativa and indica cannabis.

The combination of THC and other cannabinoids, along with particular terpenes, are believed to generate strain-specific effects. That Purple Hindu Kush which leaves you a drooling, napping hot mess, or that Sour Tangie that has you re-re-re organizing your books by height, color and then topic till 2 am? That’s on the terpenes as much as the THC.

The Sativa Blend has terpenes of Myrcene, Beta-Caryophyllene, Limonene, Humulene and Alpha Pinene, and the Indica of Beta Caryophyllene, Nerolidol, Terpinolene, Linalool and Humulene.

The “Coffeelicious Sativa” caramel was sprinkled with finely ground coffee, and resulted in some active, engaged creative time, and did not leave me with a sedated, thick face-plant outcome that some edibles can impart.

Dividing a soft caramel into the listed “1/10th” serving size isn’t easily achieved. No one ever has said, “Oh, just give me a 10th of that caramel.” Especially Americans. These aren’t recommended for novice, lightweight users, as the preciseness of a dose is too painstaking to establish. Stick with the chocolate bars, or the gummies and hard candies, which are both infused with True Terpenes.

The tinctures include Chemdawg, made exclusively from that same strain, and produced to be flavorless. This allows for easier mixing into beverages or made more palatable to those adverse to the taste of the cannabis.

Highly recommended for getting high.

Find Hapy Kitchen at hapykitchen.com.